I came across quite a few brides-to-be that are frustrated at their Maid of Honor (MOH) or, bridesmaids or groomsman.
“My MOH is driving me nuts! She started out real supportive but now she’s turned into a nightmare. HELP!”
I’ve heard some serious stories about nightmare MOH, bridesmaids who refuse to participate in a way that’s condusive to the bridal wishes, and even where they straight don’t show. It’s stressful; it’s maddening; it’s bullshit.
Solutions are usually tough to come by that are going to leave the relationship unscaved. The best type of solution comes in the form of preventive care: Pick a good wedding party and have open communication.
I know everyone wants there BFF from High School to be their MOH. And all the grooms want their old frat boys to be their groomsmen. But watch those candidates; actions speak volumes.
Warning Signs for Problem Wedding Party Members
- Have they a problem? Drugs, alcohol, pills, an insane ex…. these things can cause chaos in your wedding schedule and execution. I don’t mean to come off as cold, they need help, that’s true. My goal is to give you warning signs while you’re picking your wedding party.
- Have they flaked out on you before? I don’t mean like not feeling like going to see a movie. I mean like when it mattered. Did they leave you stranded at the airport? Did they miss an important date? Or do they have a habit of leaving you hanging once you’ve made plans?
- Are they someone you even like? I’ve seen 100 times where brides pick sisters or cousins for their party who they really don’t like or get along with but feel like they’re obligated to have them be part of the wedding party. You are not obligated in any way.
- Are they overbooked? Are they available, mentally? Someone who has 2 jobs, 3 kids, and are trying to complete their Masters during night classes are probably going to be stretched too thin to truly contribute in a meaningful way. Also, when people are stretched thin, they can be irritable, short-tempered, and impatient. Take that into consideration when picking your party.
These are just warning signs; you need to make your best call.
What if You have a Problem?
You picked your people, and the trouble has begun. What ever the issue is, it needs to be resolved and, unfortunately, it usually ends up with hurt feelings and people walking away from not just the wedding, but the friendship.
- Try talking. I don’t mean yelling. I don’t mean only making your side known. Yes, you are the one who is getting married but these people you have chosen to be around you on your most special day, frankly they love you. Though well intentioneed, they usually just want you to not regret anything about your wedding.
- If reasoning won’t work, then negotiate. Again, yes, this is your wedding, but the reason you’re having a wedding and you’re not eloping is because you want your friends and family there. Be more flexible than “My way or the highway” – there is probably a compromise you can come to that will benefit everyone.
- Abuse is a Non-Negotiable. Abuse is not to be tolerated from anyone, be it BFF, cousin, friend of a friend…. bride or groom. If they are abusive, obnoxious, or otherwise a complete jackass, cut them loose. You don’t need the headache. If it’s YOU who is abusive, obnoxious, or otherwise a complete jackass, then you owe a LOT of apologies… starting with the person who tried to let you know you were over the top.
Don’t lose sight of why you’re doing all this planning to begin with: to share the love you’ve found with those you love. Surround yourself with people who truly love you and it will all be brilliant.